I'll remember everyone that leaves
by Dasha11021995
Summary: There were not many people in the galaxy who could truly understand what it felt like being alone. Truly alone. But Leia did.


She trembled when she felt him for the first time. She couldn't believe it, but there was no point denying it. The medical droid assured her that it was true and that it's been two weeks now.

But even without the droid telling her, she would have known. She has never experienced something like that, never experienced such an overwhelming feeling.

She thinks back to the night it happened. Now that she's thinking back to it, it feels more like two years than two weeks ago…

 _It was the night after the battle of Endor. The celebration was huge and wild but who could blame them for partying like that? They had just defeated the Empire, the two most evil creatures in the galaxy had been destroyed and now they could finally start to rebuild everything and bring peace and freedom to the galaxy._

 _Leia has never felt such happiness and euphoria in her life before. She didn't act like she acted on that night either. But she just couldn't help herself, everyone around her was just embracing and laughing._

 _She had talked to Luke, the brother she was finally reunited with, for a long time. But after a couple of hours he started to talk to other rebels._

 _She looked over to Han, and he looked back. They didn't need many words to understand what was going on in that moment. Without anyone noticing, they left the main celebration together. They went to a little Ewok hut, which was being empty at that moment because all Ewoks were outside, celebrating along with the other rebels._

 _For a long time, they were just sitting there, him holding her close to his chest, an arm wrapped around her small frame. She realized that they had never been so close since their first kiss, at least not with no other person around. They were completely alone for the first time. The realization made her feel flushed and hot._

 _She lifted her head so she could look into his face and her breath quickened. He was looking at her with undeniable desire, as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. That moment, she knew that he was on fire, just like her._

 _When she pressed her lips onto his, it was as if she finally found where she belonged. She was shocked at the way her body reacted to his kiss, his touch. The way_ she _reacted to_ him. _He couldn't hide his emotions either, she heard him moan into her mouth. But when she started to unbutton his shirt, he grabbed her wrists, very tight. She pulled away from him as confusion spread across her face._

" _What's wrong?" she asked._

" _Leia…" for the first time, she thought that he looked very unsure and worried. All cockiness gone, not a trace of his typical smirk left._

" _I … I don't want you to think…" he didn't finish the sentence. Leia had never seen someone struggling for words that hard._

 _But then his face suddenly became very hard and stern. A look she hasn't ever seen on him either._

" _You owe me nothing, Leia. No, you don't do at all"_

" _What are you talking about? Why should I…?" she was honestly confused about his reaction. What had brought him to think something like that?_

" _Look, Leia…I know that we have been through so much and…I know that we have been in situations where you saw me getting hurt or kidnapped and all that, because I decided to join the rebellion and…I don't want you to feel guilty for something…and therefore…"_

" _You think I want to do this because I feel guilty? Because I want to make my guilt go away like that?" she was truly shocked by that. How could he think like that? Didn't he feel the fire between them?_

 _His face became very serious again. "I may be a lot of things Leia. I'm a smuggler and a thief and I don't mind people calling me a criminal, if that makes them feel better. But I am certainly not_ that _kind of man. I won't take advantage of this situation just to…satisfy some needs"._

" _You are so stupid, Han Solo! Do you honestly think I would sleep with you just out of guilt? You think I would let you touch me if I didn't truly want you to? Then, Captain Solo, you apparently don't know me at all!"_

 _She pulled away from him completely and went to another corner of the hut. She wrapped her arms around herself, turning away from him. How could she have been so wrong? Did she really misinterpret the way he behaved around her? Was this a one-sided affection, after all? The feeling of rejection crept up her chest and she hated it, hated feeling so confused and hurt and vulnerable. She hated the fact that this man made her feel like that._

 _She was not prepared for the sensation she felt when he unexpectedly put his hands on her shoulders._

" _I'm sorry" he mumbled into her ear._

 _They stayed like that for a while, in awkward silence and none of them did know how to break it. Finally, she turned around to face him._

" _You don't want me, right?" her eyes filled with unbidden tears, which made her angrier. She was a princess, a politician, the leader of a rebellion. Not some foolish, love-sick girl._

 _He glanced at her in shock, suddenly looking hurt as well. "Not want you? Do you even know how wrong you are? I've wanted you since I first laid eyes on you. I've always wanted you, princess. I have certainly never met such a strong, tough and fierce girl like you, and I'm pretty sure I'll never do again. Besides, you're a great beauty, probably the most beautiful girl in the galaxy and I think I'll never be able to leave you again and not be around to drive you mad" his smirk returned to his face, but only slightly._

" _The thing is, princess, I don't want you to do something you will regret later. You are just too important to me, just the way you are. Fierce, proud and strong. I don't want any of that proudness to fade away or to hurt your dignity. Besides, you are so young. You're only twenty-three, and I'm thirty-three."_

 _Leia couldn't believe what she was hearing. Never could she have imagined him saying something like that. She knew that it was hard for him to stay serious for even a second, but hearing him confessing his feelings for her left her just speechless._

 _Until a huge grin crossed her lips as well. "You listen to me now, Han Solo. You are very right, I am a proud woman and I will never do anything I don't think is right for me. But I want you. I want you just as much as you want me. And I don't care for matters like age, no one that had gone through the things that we went through is young. We experienced so much, we saw so much. None of us is young anymore."_

 _He couldn't stand it anymore, she saw him giving up and open up to her. He pulled her as close as possible to himself and pressed his lips to her neck. Leia couldn't prevent herself from moaning, she craved his touch for so long. She let herself sink into his embrace, his kissing and his touch until everything became blurry._

" _It's your first time, huh princess?" he whispered into her ear._

 _She looked deep into his eyes. "Yes, and I wouldn't want it to have with anyone else than you. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else at all. Even if I'd still be a princess back in Alderaan and you'd still be only a smuggler, I'd always want to be with you."_

 _Now his smirk fully returned to his face and she knew he was the Han she fell in love with again. "Well, then how could a scoundrel like me resist you, your highness?"_

" _Stop that, I told you not to call me that", but before she could say anything else, he silenced her with a fiery kiss._

 _After that, they weren't talking anymore. But they weren't silent either. Not at all. Leia was a bit afraid first, after all it was her first time._

 _When it happened, she first was not sure whether it was pleasure or pain she felt. But after a while, she felt like being in the water, carried away gently by waves, completely leaving her mind. Not thinking, only feeling. It was like diving, deep under the water._

 _Just way more beautiful._

The day after, Han had to leave. They all knew that although the Emperor was dead, the Empire could not be brought down like that. So many planets were still suffering of the cruelty of the empire, one of them being Kashyyyk, Chewie's home planet.

Leia knew that Han had to go with Chewbacca, helping his best friend to free his home planet from the clutches of the Empire. She understood that fully. And she also knew that she had to stay at her base, planning the systematic liberation of several planets and systems in the galaxy.

But it was still hard to say goodbye, although he promised he would come back as soon as possible.

She couldn't help herself, always thinking back to that night. Remembering his touch, his kisses, the feeling of him inside her.

But now there were not only her thoughts and memories to remind her of that special night.

The result of their love was growing inside her now.

As she put her hands gently to her stomach, Leia knew that her whole life would change. That there would be another person that she would now as much as her brother or Han. Maybe even more, because she was already loving it without it even being born yet.

Her little wonder growing inside her.

* * *

 **Author's note: I apologize for any mistakes in that story, whether it's grammar or vocabulary. English is not my first language, but as I want to present my stories to a bigger audience I will publish them in English. This will be a short story, I originally planned to make it a One-Shot but then decided to split it into three parts.**


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